Wanting to feel confident in your role as a mom, even when your child is challenging you?
As a speech therapist, I am often in the position of helping moms with their problems:
“My child isn’t talking”
“My child isn’t sleeping”
“My child isn’t listening”
What I’ve noticed is that there is so much emotion attached to all of the problems.
Guilt from “not being ‘good enough’ to solve the problem”
Shame and doubt from “still having the problem”
Hopelessness from “nothing working”
Fear from “not knowing what else to do to fix the problem”
Have you ever stoped to notice how many resources that are available that claim to know how to “fix the problem”? Seriously….think about it. Bookstores have an entire section. Google produces 1,000+ articles. If they all “worked” then why would there be so many options?
I remember hitting a wall with my son when he was 5 and my husband and I participated in a program that was called “Have a new kid by Friday”. Guess what, we tried it and it didn’t work. We didn’t have a new kid by Friday, instead, I had the same kid and now another layer of guilt on top of the original layer of guilt.
You know why? Because the REAL problem wasn’t being addressed.
You see, I thought the problem was that my son wasn’t following rules, but that wasn’t it. The real problem was that I was feeling overwhelmed and exhausted because I was making his lack of following rules mean that I wasn’t doing my job ‘good enough’. What I didn’t know was that it was possible for him to continue to break rules and it not mean a thing about my abilities as a mother.
People tried to tell me “you’re such a good mom” but deep down inside I didn’t believe them. I had TONS of evidence to support why I wasn’t doing my job “good enough”. What I didn’t know at the time was that it was my own mind creating this story. I had constructed an expectation along the way that a “good mom” has children that ALWAYS follow the rules, so when my son challenged that belief, I was left with the residual thought that I must not be “good enough”.
Seriously, when is the last time someone sat you down and discussed your thoughts and emotions that fuel your parenting? When is the last time someone heard you share your struggle and they asked you questions about what thoughts you had that created the emotion? I don’t recall anyone ever exploring my own mind with me. Usually, I expressed my frustration and the other person (from the goodness of their heart) began telling me what I should do differently, but never did it “work” to rid me of the guilt, shame and doubt I had for my abilities as a parent.
What I have learned through supporting hundreds of women is that they know their child best. They have a gut instinct that nobody else has. But sometimes those negative emotions are so loud that it over powers the gut. Those pivotal moments in a moms life, when she “knows better” but didn’t listen are critical for building trust within herself, but society has conditioned us to believe others more than we believe ourselves.
What if there was a way to support moms by helping them learn to listen and trust their gut instincts again. What if moms were able to let go of the shame and guilt associated with parenting and take action from a place of confidence? What if moms trusted that THEY were the best resource to consult with for their children’s challenges?
This is exactly what I have learned and applied to my own parenting. I learned how to be aware of the emotions that were distracting me from my gut instincts. I learned how to start listening to my inner dialogue and to quiet the stories that kept me in the shame cycle. I learned how to shift my thinking into intentionality so that I could create the confidence and peace that I so craved as a parent, even when we still had problems.
This is what I do as a life coach. I help moms learn how to sort through all of the emotions they have and we work together to get clear on identifying problems and creating solutions. The work we do isn’t about getting their child to perform in a certain way, it’s about building trust within themself so they can approach their role as a parent with confidence. Can you imagine how amazing your life will feel when the burden of shame, guilt and doubt is lifted off of your chest? I can tell you, it feels incredible, like all of the storm clouds have simply disappeared!
If you or someone you know is curious about how a coach can help improve the parenting journey, please reach out. I want moms to know that this whole parenting thing will continue to provide challenges, but we don’t have to struggle our way through it. It’s possible to feel confident along the way, even when we are faced with the challenges.
Book a free discovery call today by email: kristiemhanke@gmail.com
Living in Love,
Kristie