Tips on how to lose your shit less often...

If you don’t already know, I am a mom to twin 13 year olds. Technically, they are almost 14, but who’s counting (they are!) and I want you to know, I get it. I have had MANY moments in my life in which I have exploded like a damn volcano and it didn’t matter who was around, I couldn’t hold it in any more. Nobody was listening and it took me loosing my shit to get anyone to pay attention to what I was saying. But it never failed, I always felt like a total butthole afterwards, and would apologize and carry a layer of shame and guilt around with me until it faded.

This went on for years, until I started to implement some strategies to support myself. Now, let me tell you, these strategies have not taken away my humanness, I still get hot and bothered from time to time, but losing my shit has become a thing of the past. I will not claim that it hasn’t or won’t happen again, but it is far less likely!

I want to start with some myths:

~your kids don’t have to listen more often or pick up their crap for you to stop losing your shit

~your husband doesn’t have to do more around the house or say nice things to you for you to stop losing your shit

~your job doesn’t have to stop being so demanding or stressful….I think you get the point, right?

This was a HUGE lesson for me to learn. I didn’t need the world to be changed, I needed to change my response to the world. So here’s what I started implementing:

~yoga/meditation/breath work….find a practice that works for you and do it at the start of your day, even a 5-10 min daily practice will create a lasting effect over time

~movement/exercise….movement creates more happy hormones in your brain which helps to combat the stress in your body so I make it a point to move my body daily whether that’s a gentle walk or a kick butt bootcamp.

~feed the beast….it is highly likely that I will lose my cool when I am hungry, like seriously, stay away, so I eat when I’m hungry and try to focus on balanced nutrition to regulate my blood sugar.

~know your triggers…when you know what sets you off, you can practice ways to respond. So now when I find my son’s pile of food wrappers under the bed, I choose to create a pile of the garbage on his bed rather than yelling like a complete fool (because you know he’s not listening anyway, which then creates another layer to my frustration).

~reflect….when you do lose it, take a minute to reflect on what made you so angry. You may need to try this after calming down. Writing it out is always helpful for me, but the trick is to write it from a birds eye view, as if you are watching it on a movie. Look at the reflection with compassion and understanding for yourself. Learn from it rather than judge it. Was there an expectation that needed to be clarified? Is there a boundary that needs to be set? What could I have done differently to create a better result?

~create awareness about your thoughts….listen to the thoughts that you have when you are about to lose your shit….if they start with “they should” or “I just need them to”….here me say, we can not control other people, we can only control the way we think and act in response to other people. So if you can’t adjust the stimuli (aka: children, husband, job, etc), you have the opportunity to adjust the way you think about said stimuli. (side note: I have a VERY loud and persistent child and learning this has been a GAME CHANGER in my parenting of said child!)

I can imagine that this is not the list that you expected, I know it wasn’t the response I expected a few years ago when I sought support for myself. I was convinced that the only way to stop losing my shit, was for people to stop pissing me off. Turns out, people still piss me off, but my ability to manage my emotions has improved tremendously, resulting in me feeling more calm and confident rather than stressed out and spread thin.

If this is an area that you feel you need a little 1:1 support with, I’d love to chat. I can help you create a plan of action to help support you in your current situation. Message me to set up a call to see if working together is a good fit.

Why would you keep waiting on the world to change, when you can change your response to the world right now and create more peace and calm in your life?

As always,

Living in Love,

Kristie