What happens when you stop pushing...

I will be the first to admit that I am a doer, a pusher, a “get shit done” kind of person. I have often been described as “controlling”, “serious” or even “bossy”. There was even a time in my life when I was proud of these words because in my mind it meant I was important or reliable. I took pride in being “effective” and “efficient” and often praised my leadership skills.

Over the years I’ve grown to see things a little differently. I recognized that some things weren’t there for me to control and that my “job” was to just be responsible for me. I also saw that when I was being “bossy” I was missing out on opportunities to connect with the people I was interacting with. Being a wife and parent has given me a lot of opportunity to practice in this subject.

For instance, I have a strong love and desire for personal growth. I enjoy hearing people’s perspectives and discussing deep thoughts with others, so it’s only fitting that I share this belief on my husband, right? Wrong! He doesn’t enjoy it and honestly finds it to be just another opportunity for me to jabber on about something that he has no interest in. But I was insistent that we were supposed to be growing together or else it would mean we would be growing apart. So I continued to offer book and podcast recommendations and being the person that he is, he attempted to read things, but was still genuinely disinterested.

I noticed the desire to keep pushing him toward what I wanted and not really giving him the space to have his own opinion. I justified it as “helping him” but really, it was just me wanting to control.

So I decided to do exactly the opposite of what I always did…. I took a step back and stopped pushing.

I focused on my own growth

I focused on showing up as my best self

I shared things that helped me along the way

I shared podcasts and books that caught my attention

But this time, when I shared, I wasn’t sharing from a place of wanting to convince him. I was sharing from a place of showing him how much better I felt. I wanted him to want it for himself, but I gave him the opportunity to see if he wanted it first.

And guess what, he started showing interest. He started wanting to go to church with me. He started making references to books. He started referencing podcasts. He started sharing things that stood out to him.

The thing I want you to notice is that when I pushed him to do something, he resisted, because honestly, who wants to be forced to do anything? But when I gave him space and showed him what was working in my life, he connected to his own desire and made the decision to join in. Now, we have our own interests and practices for personal development, and we get to share this journey together.

The best message I’ve heard about this lately is this:

Our purpose on this earth is to grow and love. When we try to control, we are taking away that person’s experience of growth. When you replace that need to control with a true love, you are left with a connection that is so much deeper and richer than you could have ever imagined in the first place.

I hope that this message serves you and that you are able to connect with the people in your life in the way that your heart is desiring to. As always, if this is something that you are needing support with, I’d love to help. Message me to set up a free call today and we can get you on track for creating the life that you are dreaming of!

Living in Love

Kristie