Does "keep your hands to yourself" really work?

“keep your hands to yourself”

If you are a mother, teacher, or caregiver you have certainly uttered these words to a child.

I’m guilty! I have a son that spent most of his elementary days on “red” because he couldn’t keep his hands to himself.

As a parent coach and pediatric speech pathologist, I love helping children and families build confident connections.

Instead of “keep your hands to yourself”, I teach parents, teachers and caregivers how to determine WHY the child is touching others and then support them with specific redirections.

For example:

~Is the child hitting to communicate frustration?

~Is the child touching to fulfill their need for sensory input?

~Is the child touching for social interaction?

When you determine WHY the child is touching, it gives you an opportunity to determine a plan of redirection to support the child for future success.

~When you know the child is hitting to communicate their frustration, you can model hitting the floor and say “we don’t hit our friends, but we can hit the floor”

~When you know the child is touching to fulfill their need for sensory input, you can redirect them with a sensory based experience and say “your friends don’t like to be touched right now, but you can play with this until they are ready”

~When you know the child is touching for social interactions you can show them how to initiate social interactions in a more pro-social way

The challenge that I see with “keep your hands to yourself” is that it focuses on what the child is not suppose to do, but does not give a child a solution to help them meet their need. Touch can fulfill a variety of needs for a child and honestly, children touch each other, A LOT. So when children are told to keep their hands to themselves it is not modeled for them within their environment. When we teach children what is and is not acceptable with touching you start to see children learn how to meet their needs in a more socially acceptable way.

Consider this next time you hear yourself say “keep your hands to yourself”…

~what needs are they fulfilling by their touch?

~how can I help them meet their needs in a better way?

If you would like any further information about ways you can support your child or how you can create an atmosphere of confidence and connection within your home, feel free to reach out, I’d love to connect with you!

Kristie Hanke

Parent Coach/Speech Pathologist