Feeling all the feels
During my journey of personal growth I have learned a lot about the word BUFFERING. Buffering is when we subject ourself to something more pleasurable in order to avoid a less pleasurable experience. There are so many ways to buffer, but I found that eating, drinking alcohol, social media and shopping were my favorite escapes. I realized that I had been buffering for so many years that it became second nature. I honestly didn’t realize how often I suppressed unpleasurable feelings. For instance, when I am driving and hit a red light, I found myself checking social media….BUFFERING. When I came home from a stressful day at work and pour a glass of wine….BUFFERING. When I’m sad about a situation and rely on food to make me happy….BUFFERING.
It wasn’t until I learned more about our primitive brain that I was able to step back and actually look at what I was doing and make adjustments. You see, our brain is wired to protect our bodies from harm. It wants us to stay in it’s comfort zone because it is interpreted to be “safe”. When something outside of that comfort zone is presented, it is often interpreted as “bad” or “threatening”. Our brains will automatically trigger us to do something or not do something to stay in it’s neutral state. The thing that I found to be most interesting is that this concept applies for positive experiences as well as negative ones.
Now, before I go any further, this is all my interpretation of this information…. my intention is to share things that I have learned and that have helped me. With that said, our brains will respond similarly even in a situation of heightened pleasure. When things are “too good” there is a trigger that is flipped about being out of the comfort zone and the brain will try to sabotage the situation to bring you back down to your neutral. Isn’t this crazy how our own brains can play tricks on us??? It absolutely blew my mind when I began thinking about it and was able to come up with several experiences in which I was on top of the world and then something happened to “ruin it”. Guess what, it is more than likely the workings of our own subconscious minds!!!
So, what do we do with this information???? We start by simply observing the patterns that you exhibit when you feel certain emotions. What do you do to keep from feeling the unpleasurable emotion? What do you do to go back to your neutral AKA “comfort zone”? It really is pretty fascinating when you take a step back and observe your own brain!
I one heard Brooke Castillo say ”Do you know that no one has ever died from feeling an emotion”!
This statement really helped me during this process! Our brains are like the big brother and want to serve us by protecting us, but what if we recognize that there isn’t a need to be protected? If no one is going to die from simply feeling an emotion, then we really aren’t in harms way and there is no need for protection. The only thing left is just feeling the feels….all of them! Hurt, sad, lonely, disappointed, afraid, angry, etc. When we learn to sit with these feelings and actually feel them, they lose power over us. When we learn that we can feel these feelings without any permanent harm, it makes them a little less scary.
I am more aware now that feelings and emotions are simply just a response to my thoughts, so when I find myself feeling a way that is less pleasurable, I now know that I can control that by changing my thoughts. I don’t have to rely on external stimuli such as food, alcohol, shopping and social media to stimulate a positive emotion. I can create that positive emotion simply by changing my thoughts. Now, do I practice this ALL of the time….. NOPE, I am on this journey just like you. I have recognized that this life is about experiencing both the good and the bad, for without the bad, we wouldn’t be able to recognize and appreciate the good.
I leave you today with the challenge to feel the feels….all of them! Sit with the feelings and observe the incredible works of your brain. If you are interested in diving deeper into this subject or would like some support, let’s chat! You can set up a free consultation call by contacting me at kristiemhanke@gmail.com
Leaving you in love!
Kristie M. Hanke